19 June 2018

The First Time I Lied About My Virginity



 "Steph, can I ask you a personal question?"
"Sure, I responded."

I knew exactly what my friend was about to ask me. Earlier that night, whilst dancing in the same club that I met Henry, the first boy I met offline from Tinder, just on another night, several men had tried to make a move on me. They'd try get 'handsy' on the dance floor or lean in but I'd swoosh them away very, very quickly.
My friend, Sarah, had been watching me from the corner of her eye the whole night. She'd be dancing but glance over at me every so often to see me usher another guy along. This might be too much information for you, but at some point, when Sarah, Amy and I skirted off to the girls' bathroom (as we so often do in herds), Sarah proclaimed: "I'm really horny." I really didn't need to know- or even cared to know- that information, so dutifully, now you know it too. Anyways, in my mind, that could explain why Sarah was keenly observing me with other guys.

Sarah and I have been out a couple of times together. She's a classmate of mine from my University course. We study Journalism together, along with Amy. I'd gone out with them both once before, but, up until a few months ago I wouldn't have even called us friends, but one night, I really wanted to go 'out out' which is the British way of suggests going out but more 'hardcore' than a pub. But, I had no one to go with me. Admittedly, the only reason I wanted to go out was because I knew I'd see Julian. This same evening also happens to be the night that I last spoke to Julian in person. Anyways, long story short Sarah and Amy who were already going 'out out' were more than happy to have me tag along. This was a few months ago now, and we've gone out together a couple of times since- and always to the same local club, particularly on Wednesdays, which happens to be student night.

"The music was also about as great as a rock band whose members' age on average is about 100- AKA not good."

Anyways, last week, we went out except this time it had nothing to do with Julian and every reason to do with having a girls' night out. As the night went on, guys approached me and I rebutted them. In case you're new here, I'm somewhat of a late-bloomer. I had my first kiss at 19-years-old, this Valentine's Day, and haven't really done much else since, unless you count Henry who went full steam ahead on my neck a few weeks back, which you can read about here.

When it comes to guys I'm still very much inexperienced and it shows. I don't really try to hide it either. Now and again, in a club, I'm always sober enough to offer myself some encouraging words about letting guys get closer to me than I'm used to- all in the name of being young- but that's not something I enjoy, so despite my efforts, I usually turn my back on guys who want to dance with me, after entertaining them with a short shake of my hips and maybe a shimmy for a whole 30 seconds.

Sarah had noticed this as the night went on. I'd been fully aware of her watching me. Thanks, sobriety.

Walking into the club that night, after almost getting kicked out initially (it's a long story), was like walking into a stadium for a big match; you'd expect it to be full, but it wasn't. Not at all. The music was also about as great as a rock band whose members' age on average is about 100- AKA not good. So, we left early.

"If anyone had tried to attack me that night, I would have been like an injured gazelle to a lion"

Sarah and Amy were heading home one way which meant I was left to go my own way at what was nearing 3am. With safety at the forefront of my mind, I asked Amy if I could talk to her as they walked along. She agreed, so I called. Whilst walking, with my white, banged-up Samsung phone on speaker in one hand I walked on home listening to the muffled conversation of the girls' I'd gone out with. Whilst on the phone, something under my foot felt like it had become unstuck. I looked down and saw that my black, wedged heel had broken. I felt like lion's prey. If anyone had tried to attack me that night, I would have been like an injured gazelle to a lion. Luckily, I made it home alright, but it wasn't before Sarah put her conversation with Amy on hold to ask me something.

"Are you a virgin?" she continued

Not fully knowing how to respond, I asked Sarah to repeat what she'd said. I told her the connection was bad and I couldn't really hear her. I lied. That would be the first time that night. The second lie I told comes soon after. Truthfully, the line was muffled but I needed to buy myself more time. I racked my brain in the short five seconds I had until she finished repeating her question. "Are you a virgin?" she asked again.

I wouldn't consider Sarah and I to be good friends. We never speak outside of class or when Amy brings us together for a night out. But, I know Sarah well enough to know that she hadn't had enough to drink that night to blame her curiosity on drunkenness. Sarah isn't close enough to me to warrant the truth in this regard, I decided. So, I lied. I've never lied about my virginity before because anyone who has seriously mustered the courage to ask me, I have trusted enough to answer truthfully. Sarah, in my eyes, hadn't earned this level of truth from me. So, I responded "no".

Have you ever lied about your virginity? Would you have done the same as me or been more truthful? How open are you with sharing details about your sexual experiences?
Till next time-
Steph
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3 comments

  1. Not sure what I would have done in your position since I've not really had any experiences, okay make that none I've not even held a guys hand - well not since I was tiny at least - but I'm at the point now where I don't lie or get ashamed at not having my first kiss or boyfriend yet, which was something I used to feel embarrassed about

    Sophie | www.sophiesspot.co.uk

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  2. I definitely have lied about things I've done/not done when I was younger. I remember being called a frigit when I was just 12 because I had never met a boy ( "met" is slang for "kissed" as a teenager ). I pretended I had but they all could blatantly see I was lying.
    I've grown up a bit since then. It's not anyone else's business what I've done or haven't done. People shouldn't be judged on that. Although I understand the pressure and stigma around sex. And being truthful and leave you feeling vulnerable. There should be no shame no matter the person's choice.

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  3. We also have Student Wednesdays and totally use the term 'out out' for clubbing :D
    you call yourself a late bloomer and yet, there's me being 24 and still no 'action' of any kind. but I told you that already haha
    I've never lied about this, however, nobody directly asked me either. I don't know how I would react, but I think I would say the truth. I personally don't see any shame in it so I don't care...

    xo Honey - blog Royal Lifestyle - Twitter - Instagram

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