10 April 2018

My Personal Story of Teenage Heartbreak || Part 4

So, we carried on talking. In the span between when I last saw him which was at around 3.00 and going to bed at 4.30, he'd already sent me three texts. He was upping his game. I could tell. But, by this stage, I knew better than to take actions at face value. I've caught onto his tactics by now. His actions match his words at the start, but then shrivel out soon after. But, he was back in my good books.
Before you read this post, you have a lot of other reading to do. Before you read any further, you need to read these three posts (it's worth it, I promise).
My First Kiss on Valentine's Day at 19-Years-Old
My First Kiss (Follow-Up) + Heartbreak
My Personal Story of Teenage Heartbreak (Part 1)
My Personal Story of Teenage Heartbreak (Part 2)
My Personal Story of Teenage Heartbreak (Part 3)

The next day and the few days which followed after that, I even recieved the good morning texts I told him I liked the idea of so much. The idea. I'd never actually ever chatted to a guy who sent me good morning texts, but I liked the idea that someone woke up each day thinking of me. Call me a hopeless romantic. After a few more rounds of speedy-texting (and by this I mean not seven hours in between each message) he asked to meet me. Admitedly, I was hesitant at first. But, I agreed, calling it a 'catch-up' and not a 'date'. Yes, wording really does matter. Wording is everything. I think Julian was rather apprehensive at calling it a catch-up. He followed up asking "Then, if things go will it could lead to a date elsewhere?" I agreed.

We chatted throughout the week between the Sunday he asked me out for a hot chocolate and the Sunday that we met up. On Saturday night he asked me where we were meeting and I said the same place we met on Valentine's Day. I realised then that that would be 'our meeting spot'. Ours. Even when we strolled passed on the way to do a grocery shop, passing a club or poppig into Wilko, even if we weren't together, that place would always connect the two of us in some way. I liked the idea of that. 

Sunday morning rolled around more quickly than I'd thought. We agreed to meet at 'our spot' at 10am, which was way to early for him. Don't get me wrong, he pitched up fully-clothed and dossed in cologne but his eyes were glased with sleepiness. I could tell he wasn't a morning person. 

I'm definitely a morning person. The earlier the better in my books, but as we discussed, opposites attract. And like charged repel. Or, that's how it works in science anyways. I haven't decided how this theory applies to humans yet.
We ended up in a very cute cafe. The condition of meeting up was that I'd pay. I still felt bad about nearing triple digits he'd spent on me on Valentine's Day. I needed to make up for that, so, a hot chocolate and a croissant seemed like a good way to start closing the gap. I also ordered a hot chocolate (after agreeing that we'd rate how good it was, which is a fact which becomes important later) with a chocolate croissant. 
The hot chocolate, in my opinion was anything but hot and the chocolate pastery looked better than it tasted. It must have been sitting in the display case for a while because when it touched my lips it was dry. Julian seemed chuffed with his croissant which he ate whilst we chatted away in the upstairs of this writer's paradise.

It really was a writer's paradise; If I had to imagine an author sitting in a cafe tapping away at the keyboard or putting black squiggles to paper, I'd imagine them doing it here. It's the perfect cafe for ideas  and insiration- and definitely blog worthy which Julian actually pointed out at one point. That's another thing. He knows about the blog. This blog. But, don't worry, I wasn't foolish enough to tell him how or where to find it. I know better than that.

"We sat next to each other, but there was a gap the size of the English Channel between us."

We sat on a brown couch, similar to the one in the opening sequence of Friends. We sat next to each other, but there was a gap the size of the English Channel between us. I've come to learn that Julian post two bottles of wine is much more touchy than sober-just-got-out-of-bed Julian. At some points I tried to close the channel by turning my body and leaning closer. At no point was any of this awkward. That's the lovely thing about Julian and I. Even when there's a gap the size of the English Channel between us, the conversation flows effortlessly. I think we ended up chatting on that couch for two hours before I suggested we take a walk along the nearby Thames river.
The Beast from the East 2.0 was in town. Two-bottle-of-wine- Julian would have jumped at the opportunity to get his arm around me or intertwine his hand with mine. This Julian wasn't getting close. At all. I turned to my woolen gloves woven with white snowflakes on them to warmth. Julian opted to put his hands in his pockets. It was his missed opportunity. 

After walking along a short stretch of the river, talking about barges and whatever else, I brought up the thinking I'd promised I'd be doing. If you're confused, head back to this post quickly. The English Channel between us had narrowed as we walked along the cemented pavements back towards our university, where I was meeting another friend and he was going to go to the library to study. Still, he hadn't made a move.

"Do you want to stop seeing other people?"

"Do you want to stop seeing other people?" I asked, looking straight at his brown eyes.
"Not really" he responded rather quickly, as if he'd been thinking about this too.
I know what you're probably thinking: "Steph, run! This guy isn't worth it and you need to get the hell out of there." I'd seen this coming. I expected his answer, so I'd planned my response because truth be told I had no idea what I wanted from him either. I have no idea what I want from him now, but I'm jumping ahead in the story. "How about this", I responded. "You're welcome to see whomever you like and so can I. If you meet someone and it starts to get more serious you let me know and we call whatever's going on here quits." Obviously, because I'm a fair person, I added that if I met someone and things got serious I'd let him know. He quickly piped up with "What if I want to get serious with you?" My initial thought was "well then you wouldn't have gotten with other people in front of me" but I held those thoughts to myself. I'm not quite sure how I responded to that in the end, but I like to think I said something along the lines of "We'll cross the bridge if we get there." He then asked if there was a deadline, as if this was some sort of assignment or mission. I said "no" and we continued walking.

"His eyes had started to wonder between my eyes and my lips"

Magically, by now, his eyes had started to wonder between my eyes and my lips, you know the way it happens in rom-coms when the male lead wants to signal to the girl that he wants to kiss her. He even got closer to me. His broad shoulder started bumping into mine as we walked along. I stopped at some point, rolled an ambiguous looking snowball into the palm of my hands and threw it at him. Bullseye. He did the same but sorely missed. We chuckled and kept walking.

We found our way back to the entrance of our university and sat at the entrance on a blue, yellow rather modern styled couch- much closer than we had at the start of the morning. At some point he got hungry (because the dry croissant really wasn't enough) and we strolled over to a nearby supermarket to stock-up on snacks. He got dried mango which he happily offered me. I told him I wasn't a fan of dried mango which seemed to rather upset him, but again, opposites attract, or supposedly so.

After chatting on a similar-looking couch on the opposite side of the university's reception for a little longer, snacks in hands, and his eyes on my lips, I told him I'd walk him to the library. I'm sure he would have liked some university-hallway PDA but he hadn't earned it. I settled on a hug, and went my separate way to meet my friend.

This was about two (maybe even three) weeks ago now...and so much has happened since! Come back soon for the next update!

How would you have responded when he said he wanted to see other people? Would you have been surprised?

Till next time-


  1. If I was in a similar position I don't think I would have been surprised if he said he wanted to see other people but then would have told him if he wanted anything further with me I had to be the only one. I would have probably been far more blunt and harsh than you put it, oopps, we can see why people can't get close to me ^^ By this point I'm kind of hoping for a happy ending to this all. If Julian can make up his mind what he wants I think we could have such a cute ending on our hands. Hope you're doing well Steph x

    Sophie's Spot

    1. Sounds like you're more sensible than I am. I just caught up in it all, I guess.
      Sorry that it doesn't get the happily ever after you were hoping for but it wasn't a bad ending either.

      Hahah, you could always imagine your own happy ending!

  2. I'm loving this series, Steph! I'm dying to know what happens next!

    Em ~ thisisemsworld.com

    1. Thanks for keeping up with the series, Em!

  3. So when does this come out in book???? Lol


  4. I'm going to have to go back and read the other posts now as this has me gripped, teenage heartbreak is the worst!

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog

    1. Do you have your own stories of heartbreak? Now you can read the WHOLE series. It's finally done!


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