26 April 2018

We 'Break-Up' in the End (Part 2)

As I walked into the above-ground level of the house, looking for another friend, I saw Julian. It's funny how when you're not looking for things they tend to appear.

Before you read this post, you have a lot more reading to do. But, I promise it's worth it!
 Life has a funny way of doing that. I hugged Julian and made as if I was surprised to see him, as if I hadn't seen him prancing around the party in his red jumper from a distance. I still hadn't responded to his text. We started chatting, really closely. My back was against a busy doorway with stoned students passing through and bumping me closer and closer towards him. He had no problem with this and pulled me in closer- not that I really minded either. I got close enough to be a tease- but not closer. His friends behind him were all watching and at one point his housemate came up to us and said "guacamole". Yes. Just guacamole.  I turned my gaze to Julian for an explanation but he just shrugged his shoulders. I assume he was stoned, too. I'd been explaining to Julian how I felt. He said: "I thought all the other guys would soothe you." Because, we're seeing each other casually, which I mentioned in this post. I responded with "they don't confuse me as much as you do." All whilst he was getting closer- occasionally getting the courage to scrape his hand passed my thighs or my hands. He likes to play it tough, but I make him really nervous which I like.

That's the truth. We are seeing each other casually. I still entertain other guys' flirting and I definitely still chat to other boys. But, and here's the thing he doesn't know, he's still the only person I've ever kissed. Many boys-some men- have tried since but I value emotional connection and making out in a club just isn't my style.
"I was standing in front of him, drawing closer and closer to his glossy brown mischievous eyes, I just couldn't do it"

I had every intention of cutting ties with this boy, but, when I was standing in front of him, drawing nearer to his glossy brown mischievous eyes, I just couldn't do it.

It was nearing 3.30am now and way passed my bed time. Julian could tell. He has an uncanny ability to read people (me included). This bothers me. Most people have told me they can't read me and that I'm mysterious. Julian? He seems to see right through me. He held out his hand for me and asked if he could walk me home- just down the street. I agreed, much to the applause of his friends who were still watching in the background. I turned and said: "Don't worry. He'll be back soon" and walked out.
"We kept chatting about everything and nothing"

Julian and I strolled down the same street, in the rain, just as we had done a month before on Valentine's Day which is a fact he brought up, although that month had been a roller coaster in itself. We kept chatting about everything and nothing for the short two minute walk back to my student halls, with his hand wrapped over my shoulder and my hand running up and down his large, gymmed back and waist. We got to the end of the road (closer towards my door than on Valentine's Day) and he turned to face me, a mischievous smirk plastered across his face. Again, he was getting closer and closer but the emotions in my head were swirling! 

 I'd gone to cut ties not give him a good night kiss. He hadn't earned a good-night kiss. I told him that "I'm not going to give you what you want" which got a smile out of him but not before a flash of disappointment crossed his face. "But", I continued, "I'll see you on Sunday". We'd made plans during the week for me to go over to his house and he'd make me hot chocolate, in an effort to rival the hot chocolate from this post which, truthfully, wouldn't take much effort. He seemed content with that, turned in for a hug and walked away. With my back facing him, I walked into the gate of my accommodation. After a few strides I turned my head to see him. Like in the movies, he was already watching. He'd been taking small strides backwards so that he could watch me walk away. Again, he must have known that I would turn around to watch him. He's definitely a charmer- and he knows it. I shouted "good night" with probably the biggest smile on my face, turned back and walked away.

"To my shock, when I arrived Julian wasn't there"

Sunday rolled around and at 6.30pm, as we had planned, I arrived at his house after walking the 1km stretch down the road. To my shock, when I arrived Julian wasn't there. His housemate who I know fairly well (and whose tried to make a move or two on me in the past) opened the door instead and was mind boggled by my presence at his door. He didn't know I was coming over and told me that Julian was at the gym. "Julian wouldn't do this" I remember thinking. His housemate returned to the living room where he was playing a video game with friends. They invited me to join but I was so bewildered that I kept standing. Eventually, maybe five or 10 minutes later the lock in the door turned, and in walked Julian with his bicycle. Blotchy-faced and anxious, he walked in and saw me and his face changed to mirror what I imagine it would do if he ever saw a ghost- or my face when I found out he wasn't home. Without saying anything, he bolted upstairs to his room. Unsure of what to do (and wanting to give Julian his privacy) I stayed downstairs, outside the living room, milling around like a lost puppy.

After a few minutes I yelled up the stairs asking if I could come up. There was no reply. So, I walked up anyways. 

What would your reaction have been had you arrived at his house and he wasn't there?

Till next time-


  1. Replies
    1. That's what I did! Great minds think alike.

  2. If I had turned up and he wasn't there, I would have gone home! I hope in the next post you get angry at him!

    1. This made me chuckle, Em! I think I was so mind boggled I wasn't quite sure what I should have done.

  3. Same as Em, if I had turned up and he wasn't there I would have left. I'm kind of angry for you. Like part way through, him walking you home, I was like yes maybe he's trying to be the good guy, now I'm not so sure.
    Steph, as always, if you need someone to talk to my DM's are always open. I apparently give some okay advise ^^

    Sophie | www.sophiesspot.co.uk

    1. I know right. I feel like I wasn't getting angry enough. You're as confused as I was.

      Thank you, S!

  4. There's no way I would still go through with the hot chocolate plans after everything and after going there to end whatever that was between you...
    By now, I'm both amazed and pissed off with how you're handling this haha I wouldn't be able to stay this calm or to continue this... :D

    xo Honey - blog Royal Lifestyle - Twitter - Instagram

    1. Hahaha! This made me straight up laugh out loud! I can sense your anger on my behalf. I'm surprised with myself. Turn out I have a high threshold when it comes to being messed about. I'm learning my lessons!


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