20 March 2018

My Personal Story of Teenage Heartbreak || Part 1

I ended my last post with: "'What happens now?' you may ask. Great question! I have no idea how much of last night he remembers. But, I'm hoping it's enough."
                Before you read any further, you need to read these two posts before reading this one: My     First Kiss on Valentine's Day at 19-Years-Old and My First Kiss (Follow-Up) + Heartbreak.

               Turns out that Julian, my first kiss, did remember enough. Just about enough.

On Sunday morning, the day after the party, at around 4pm, I got a message from Julian saying "Sorry for being such a dickhead last night". Those were his words. Not mine. I would have used stronger language. But, sure, Julian, we'll go with "dickhead". 

To tell you the truth, I wasn't quite sure how to respond. So, I didn't, not for a couple of days anyway. I was as angry as you'd imagine a swarm of bees to be. I was disappointed and hurt. After turning to Twitter for advice, I decided to wait things out. Eventually, after leaving his message on 'read', I responded with "We're all good, Julian". Because we were. I'd thought things over and decided that if this person didn't respect me then I wasn't going to waste my energy hating them so I'd move on, settling on "We're good". 

"We kept talking as if we'd just gone out for Valentine's Day date, had my first kiss and like we weren't seeing other people. "

He responded saying we weren't all good, so, I called him out on everything. I told him I thought he'd run after me. I told him that he treated me like a stranger, like Valentine's Day hadn't happened and like we hadn't been speaking every day since then. He apologised and said that he was sorry for disappointing me. He said that he was nervous to talk to me (so obviously the next logical step is to make out with someone else?!). Our conversation was rather mature but in retrospect, it was too "soft". It wasn't enough to bring about any change (you'll see what I mean later on). So, after telling him how I felt and him apologising multiple times, we kept talking. We went back to normal as if nothing had happened as if he hadn't made out with someone in front of me. We kept talking as if we'd just gone out for Valentine's Day date, had my first kiss and like we weren't seeing other people. That was my mistake. 

Fast forward a few days later and we were all set to meet at the pub. Imagine my surprise when I see the girl he was making out at his party, join us at the pub. To be fair, I've never spoken to her. For all I know, she could be the loveliest person and someone whom I'd really click with. She obviously clicks with Julian. I don't have any desire to befriend her and I highly doubt she wants to befriend me either, but I wish I had more of a reason to dislike her. I don't. I don't know her from a bar of soap, but for the purposes of my story, we're going to call her Julian's "Bed Buddy", because I guess to me that's who she is.

"I happily went on chatting with my friend for another 20 minutes at least before I even acknowledged Julian's existence. But, after what he'd done to me, that was my right."

We're all huddled around a massive table at our local Wetherspoons, the most quintessential student pub in the UK. Luckily, the girl beside me recently visited South Africa which made for great conversation- and a distraction from Julian's "Bed Buddy" and all her friend's dagger-like eyes piercing my skin from all ends of the table- and I do mean all. My new friend's intensely nostalgic conversation meant that when Julian ultimately walked in, I could hide the fact that he had even arrived. I realised that he must have sat behind me because I happily went on chatting with my friend for another 20 minutes at least before I even acknowledged Julian's existence. But, after what he'd done to me, that was my right.

Eventually, I turned my head in his direction and acknowledged his presence- exactly what he hadn't done the last time I'd seen him. He was at the other end of a rather large table so we couldn't really hear each other and resorted to texting instead. After months of texting, when we're finally in the same room, metres away from one another instead of him getting up and coming over to talk to me (because I sure as hell wasn't going to get up and go to him) he texted me! 

After texting back and forth intermittently over chatter of Table Mountain and my new friend's desire to go on a Safari in South Africa, and a lot of awkward eye contact with Julian, I beckoned him to bring his chair over and come sit by me- on full display of all his friends, and his "Bed Buddy" who doesn't seem to mind that Julian sees other people. 

In the seconds that it took Julian to lift his chair, Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome from this post came and propped his chair next to me. I was glad this happened. I wanted Julian to see that other people were after me. Julian had already gotten up to bring his chair over, so he ended up settling for a bar stool that was a bit closer to where I was. 

The texting between us continued. 

"The awkwardness was definitely not in short supply that evening."

Eventually, I got sick of it and got up to take Julian's best friend's seat who was sitting next to him, moments before. Julian and I chatted and my goodness was it awkward! I'm not sure what was more awkward, our conversation, the discovery that he'd done drugs (along with the alcohol which I already knew about) at his party a few days before, or all the eyes watching us. The awkwardness was definitely not in short supply that evening.

After a while of chatting, I got up to go to the bathroom and then got distracted and ended up joining another group of friends- away from the gaze of Julian.

When I returned about 10 minutes later, he was seated beside his "Bed Buddy". I didn't really think much of it, really. But, then I saw them walk off together, in the pouring rain like in the movies, I wasn't even hurt. I was a fool. As the saying goes: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

10 minutes later, he texted me saying he'd gotten a taxi back but failed to mention that it wasn't back to his house...or alone (thank you, Snapmaps!). I didn't respond, so the next morning he texted me telling me he'd made it to his 9am lecture.  So, imagine his shock and horror when I texted him the next day saying: "I think it's best if we probably stopped talking."

That's the end of part one. And my goodness is there SO SO much more to come!

If you were me, what would you have done in this situation?

Till next time-



  1. Oh Steph, I can't believe this is happening to you! I hope the next part of this story is better than this but after reading what I have already about Julian, I'm not sure if it will be better. You already know this but I'm always here if you need to talk.

    Em ~ thisisemsworld.com

    1. Hahah, it doesn't get better, does it, Em? Haha
      THANK YOU EM! <3

  2. I am so sorry Steph. Julian is a dickhead lol. I'm here if you need to talk!

    Effortlessly Sophisticated

  3. Sorry that you have had a bit of a hard time with this guy. He so doesn't deserve you and you deserve 100% better than him. Good on you for cutting contact!
    Will keep posted for the next part!
    Aimsy xoxo

    1. It took me a lot longer than it probably should have to cut him off- but I did eventually! I hope you enjoyed the parts that followed!

  4. It's literally like you're living in a novel! Okay I'm going onto part 2. It's either like a book that's too good to put down or I'm just nosy ^^

    Sophie's Spot

    1. Hopefully it's like a book that you can't put down. But if you're nosey, that's welcomed, too!

  5. loving this!
    I really don't get his deal. what are you doing Julian? And I can only imagine how awkward it was with all eyes on you... I'm terrified of that :/

    xo Honey - blog Royal Lifestyle - Twitter - Instagram

    1. It was terrifying but I was strutting around with such confidence. Confidence is key.


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