15 February 2018

My First Kiss on Valentine's Day at 19-Years-Old

 It happened. After 19-years-worth of rom-coms and watching people make out in movies and pack on the PDA in real life, it happened to me. Little old Steph. If you think I'm going to tell you that it was wonderful, you're wrong. But, I'll tell you more about that later.
It's funny; I woke up this morning 19 and never been kissed, which rather ashamedly is something that I wore as a negative label (you can read about that here). I wore it as a title that defined me. It was something that I had been thinking about all through my teenage-hood and luckily not something that I'll have to think about going into my 20s, although a part of me had made peace with the fact. I wish it didn't bother me as much as it did, but for a long time, it was definitely something I thought about. A lot. But, tonight, I get to fall asleep 19 and been kissed.

"The thing is, unlike every other day these past six years, I knew it was going to happen today."

The thing is, unlike every other day these past six years, I knew it was going to happen today. I'd always wondered when it would happen; Would it be New Year's Eve? Spontaneously on a night out?Today I woke up with with a nervous, giddy, child-like energy and adult-like angst. It's an odd thing to say, but I just knew that 'tomorrow' had come. I'd been applying whatever lip balm I had, religiously, over the past few days. Just to fill you in: I knew that I would be going on this date, on Valentine's Day for about a week. And, I had a strong suspicion that Julian, the guy I've been chatting to for the better part of four months would make a move. I was right. Let me tell you a bit about Julian: He's a player-type but my gut says that there's more to him than meets the eyes. He's just a bit taller than me and well-built. His eyes are a warm, glossy brown but have a glimmer of playfulness to them. 

It was nearing the end of the night, and as he put it after the fact "there hadn't been much physical contact" which he says should have happened throughout the date. Anyways, I saw where the night was going (even if him not-so-secretly-applying something to his lips was the hint) and planned the kiss that has been 19 years in the making. In the three degrees, British drizzle, I meandered us down towards the local park- because I need to live out my fantasies here.
Again, as he put it, I looked like a "deer in headlights". Cringe now. Anyways, we chatted about my 'lip virginity' for 15 minutes (which in retrospect was way longer than we probably should have) while I twisted and turned my body on one of the fitness contraptions in the park that I mentioned in this romantic adventure (funnily enough in the same park). Cringe again. It took some back rubbing but he was gentle and understanding.

After meandering back around the park, we ducked under a shelter and took cover from the rain under a wooden ledge- not that the damage hadn't been done to my once perfectly curled hair and our shoes! I only thought about that afterwards but his shoes must be a mess! Sorry, Julian!

"After a bit more blabbering away, he pulled the tassels of my black pleather jacket and inched me closer towards his firm body and kissed me."

After a bit more blabbering away, he pulled the tassels of my black pleather jacket toward him and inched me closer towards his firm body and kissed me. Did I know what the hell I was doing? Absolutely not. But, I kept breathing (which in my books is a good start) and then kinda tried to imitate what I'd seen in the movies. Whether or not that was successful is another story.

Honestly, I can't say that it was magical. It wasn't. I kept talking and stammering along. At some point, he moved over and pecked my cheek and inched his onto my neck and down towards my collar bone but that was short lived. At another point, he went in for more kisses and I swerved for a hug. I remember him commenting "oh, a hug"! Cringe-worthy? Right! He stopped and asked me if I was okay several times, which I appreciated, as his hands slowly moved up and down the 'small' of my lower back and onto my waist.

"His lips guided mine and his tongue irregularly made contact with mine- turns out he saves the tongue for the bedroom."

His lips guided mine and his tongue irregularly made contact with mine- turns out he saves the tongue for the bedroom. Those are his words. Not mine. My head naturally titled to the right and my lips naturally parted and found his bottom lip- like a duck to water. At some point, I went for his upper lip and missed, but it made him laugh and my body shudder. Anyways, I fumbled but I wouldn't change a thing.
Julian was kind, gentle and understanding and is someone who I didn't know a year ago, but someone who I know my mind will drift back to, over the years to come, and someone who I'll look back at and who will make me smile. I'm glad this happened with him. A part of me is glad that the anticipation is over, too. Whilst walking home, in the pouring rain, he took off his jacket and put it over me and squeezed it around me, tightly, just like in the movies

Truthfully, I'm not sure if we'll go out again. I somehow don't think so. At one point at lunch there was talk of a second date but after that kiss, I highly doubt that's a reality. However, I know I'll be seeing him around- and a part of me is looking forward to that. He'll now always be a part of an important memory in my life.

A bit more happened in between it all- but this is it (for the most part). We had lunch, then went bowling. He won both times (but let's just say that I let him).

It's weird that I can still smell him on me.  His cologne wasn't anything strong- but the Gucci 'bloom' perfume that I put on at the start of the night has been replaced by something foreign, something boy-like. 

Till next time-
Steph

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11 comments

  1. First kisses are never what the movies make them out to be. And I can totally relate to the feeling of being glad have that first kiss out of the way. This feeling was the only reason I had my first kiss at all. �� (And mine wasn't that good either).
    Thanks for sharing your story and I am sure future romantic adventures will be better. ��

    Sophie x

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  2. I totally agree with Sophie's comment above - first kisses are never the magical moment that you think they'll be. Mine was super forced with a guy that had no interest in me whatsoever. Romantic! Despite the magicless kiss, I loved reading this post! I'm so glad you chose to share this moment with us all.

    Olivia - The Northernist x

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  3. I agree with Sophie! First kisses never happen like they do in movies!

    Jennifer
    Effortlessly Sophisticated

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  4. Despite the less than magical first kiss, the photos in the photo are gorgeous Steph!!!

    Sophie's Spot

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  5. Oh I loved this post, so so sweet! First kisses definitely aren't all they are cracked up to be. Really well written!

    Beckie || The Pale Tails

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  6. YAY Steph I'm so excited this finally happened for you! If anybody says their first kiss was perfect, they're a liar. It's a super strange thing to do the first time and I don't think any first-timers actually know what they're doing! I'm so glad you can look back at it with a positive memory!

    Em ~ thisisemsworld.com

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  7. awwww thats so cute :) thats way better than my first kiss story. lol. so have no fear.

    he sounds like a really interesting guy. that must have been a great date <3

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  8. Oh wow. I guess you lip virginity comes to an end. Um...congratulations? I honestly don't know what to say. I suppose I can't relate as I haven't had my first kiss yet. And to be honest, I don't want it anytime soon.😅

    #sweetreats xxx www.bakingboutiquebirds.blogspot.co.uk/

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  9. I LOVED this post!
    I love all your descriptions, especially Julian's appearance (I also really like his name).
    You seem happy about it, no matter it was a bit awkward. So I'm happy for you. I'm looking forward to some updates on this "relationship".

    xo Honey - blog Royal Lifestyle - Twitter - Instagram

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  10. Ok first I LOVE THOSE PICS SO MUCH LIKE DON'T KNOW WHY second awwww congrats steph!!

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  11. That's so cute for you to share, nice post :-)

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