28 November 2017

My Blog Has Been Discovered!

This blog post is going to have two parts to it, mainly because I wrote part two earlier this week before the events that unfolded tonight. Part one I'm writing now, and you'll understand why:
Part One:
Someone from my non-blogging world has found my blog. That's a sentence I never thought I'd write. This is not a drill (although I kinda wish it was). There is a respiring human being somewhere out there who has met me personally and has now crossed paths with my blog. The internet is a lot smaller than we sometimes think it is. It can be a big place, too. But, for me, right now, tonight, it is a very, very small place indeed.

The guy who found it hasn't seen me in years. He moved away a while back and tried to re-connect at some point. I'd even go so far as to say that we were friends, once. But, then we weren't.

Now though, our paths have crossed once more. He has found my blog, and although I wanted my two worlds to come together, I always wanted it to be on my terms. I wanted to be the one to reveal my baby to the world. Now, I'm not the only person who has that power. He does too. Someone else out there has the power to reveal this space- our space- to my non-blogging world. Later on in the post, I mention that I wanted my two worlds to collide together. Well, I take that back. I don't like this collision.
I have a lot of panic, anxiety and fear rising up from within me. I'm scared and I feel vulnerable.

Maybe this is life's way of bringing my two worlds together for me. Maybe that was never a choice that I was going to get to make. I  always thought that things would be on my terms. I guess not. I guess I thought wrong.

Part Two:
Have you ever held yourself back?
This is something that I'm battling to grapple with at the moment because I have a feeling that my answer to that question is 'yes'.

I haven't ever really been conscious of my blog's anonymity. I mean, never seriously. At the start of my blogging journey, I put conscious thought into hiding my identity. 

After some time, I changed the mould of that structure and made it looser, and revealed my face; My light green and kind eyes, my golden hair and my small lips are now a regular feature on Social Spying. I still merrily go about in the Blogosphere as 'Steph', my semi-pseudonym, I'm just no longer faceless.

When I created Social Spying, I had the full intention of never, ever, going public. So much so that I didn't even show my face in the early days of this blog. Now, it's plastered everywhere. I'm proud that I had one thing in my mind and adapted and changed as I saw fit. I'm happy that I found a space that bashed down my initial trepidations and offered me a place where I felt safe.
I've done a pretty good job at keeping my name a secret- although when I do decide to tell you my name (notice I said when and not if), you'll laugh in disbelief. But for now, that's going to be my little secret.
However, recently, I've been thinking about clashing my two worlds together- and increasingly so as time goes on. I'm not sure about how serious I want this collision to be. However, I know that some sort of coming together needs to happen. I'm definitely not ready to tell my non-blogging world about my blogging world. There's no way that's happening right now, however, I feel ready to tell my blogging world more about my non-blogging world- but not all the parts... because where would the fun be in that?

I'm just not sure how to bring about this clashing together. This is a big thing for me. I've kept them so much a part- and very comfortably so. But, I can feel something nagging at me to change that. It's time the worlds came together- as scary as that is to think about.

I wish I could offer you a resolution or an ending. But, I don't have the answer. All I know is that I'm holding myself back.

I have some thinking to do, but, maybe it's time that the world new. Maybe it's time that I forcefully bring my worlds together. If I do it now, then at least I know that I'm the one that did it- and not someone else. 

Or, maybe, I roll over, shut my laptop and hope to the heavens above that, for now, it'll be our dirty little secret.
What is your advice to me? Should I go public, if so, how?

I made a Chatty Youtube Video about this post. You can check it out here:

Till next time-

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  1. I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this Youtube + blogging idea. I thought about dabbling on Youtube as well, but I am very uncomfortable showing my face. So I am considering to make a Youtube channel with flipthroughs of my writing/art journals.

    I also share my blog (just a littttttle bit) with only a few people. I don't have separate accounts- I use the same twitter for my personal and for blogging (but none of my friends really use twitter or follow me) and as for instagram, I do not share the blog link. And yeah, I don't plan on sharing on my personal facebook profile at all! That's where the majority of my friends/family are active and watching.


    1. I love that idea! You don't have to post consistently, just when you want to. I haven't posted in a while either...but I'd like to change that over the summer. Uni just has a way of muddling things up, although I'm to blame, too.

      Sounds like you've got it all figured out in terms of the double life.

      As always, thank you for the comment and support, K!

  2. I’ve been dabbling into YouTube videos myself. How do you edit them? Also, some people know I have a blog but don’t know what it is and id like to keep it that way. My parents have no clue i have one. When they do find out, I’m not telling them what it is. They can try to find it themselves! Ha! Sorry this happened!

    Effortlessly Sophisticated

    1. I use several programs. I've used Final Cut Pro and Premiere. It depends on you which program works best.

      You also lead a double life! I hope they never find out (well, until you want them to). Sounds like it's working out so far!

  3. I had a similar situation happen where someone i know found my blog, and it made me very anxious too because i shared so many personal things on there, but i wasn't going to let that stop me from doing what i love.
    If you don't feel comfortable telling everyone in your life about your blog then you don't have to. take care xx

    1. That's incredible, Liberty! I admire your tenacity and desire to keep going at it. It's been a few months since this happened and i'm okay now. I never think that someone I know has knowledge about my blog, but I think that's because it's just one person.

      I haven't told anyone. I've tried to...but I'm not ready.

      Thank you for the lovely comment!

  4. It's funny because I went from publicly advertising my blog to keeping it so low key that no one from my personal life knows about it. It wasn't until I rebranded to October Rain that I felt comfortable having peers reading my blog again. I've changed a lot but I used to be very shy with my blog back then which is one of the reasons why I didn't like sharing my blog so openly.

    I also like to vlog from time to time - especially when I'm on vacation!

    1. That's interesting! Sounds like things worked out wonderfully for you. It was very courageous of you to share your blog. Maybe I need a re-brand.

      Blogging is a brilliant way to document memories!

  5. I've started to get a lot of regular life people tell me they've seen my blog. It always makes me feel so awkward and self conscious.


    1. Do the people encourage you and say they like the content though? I hope so!

      Thank for the comment, Rosa!

  6. I love this idea of combining YouTube and your blogging!! So brilliant! x

    Ariadna || RAWR BOWS

    1. Thank you, Ariadna! I should probably get back to doing the YouTube bit...

  7. Okay I've been in this exact same situation four almost five years ago now. My high school crush discovered my blog (which was at the time full of posts about my high school life) and I panicked so bad. At first I really didn't want to write anything too outspoken anymore, because I was afraid he'd use it against me. Lucky for me he's a good guy and it never got that far. For me the biggest problem was that I wasn't creating content I was proud of, so I didn't want my friends in real life to read my blog. Now I do share my blog with everyone who's interested and it's such a relief that I don't have to keep quiet about my blog anymore! Oh, and that guy who found it back in 2013? He's my biggest supporter to this day :)

    x Envy
    Lost in Translation

    1. I understand you panic- AND it was your high school crush. I can only imagine what must have raced through your mind, E.

      WOW! That's incredible! It sounds like it all worked out. People definitely have a funny way of surprising you sometime!

  8. Oh I couldn't handle it haha I keep my blog very very secret! There are just parts of my face there, not the whole me. And I don't talk about it ever with anyone! This could be a good thing if you're strong enough now haha

    xo Honey - blog Royal Lifestyle - Twitter - Instagram

    1. Agreed! It could be a good thing it would just take A LOT of courage...which I don't think I'm quite ready for, especially since I'm talking about such personal things as of late.

      Who knows, maybe one day you'll get the courage to 'go public'?

  9. Haha this is something I'm a bit anxious about I don't know why! I will try and bring myself to making my blog public to everyone through social media soon but it is scary for some reason

    1. It is scary indeed...but often the things that scare us give us the best reward. I think there's just a moment or many little moments that lead up to a big moment which make bloggers 'go public'.


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