19 September 2017

The Honest Truth About My Move to the UK

To tell you the truth, I've re-written the start of this blog post one thousand times over not knowing where to start- or how. One opening begins "Can I tell you what sucks? When your flatmate knocks on every door in the house offering a 'g and t' (gin and tonic)...except for yours". That was one option. I also thought about starting this by saying "I've felt less like myself in this past week than I have ever before" but then I thought that that would be too much of a depressing beginning. So, in the end. I started with this: "To tell you the truth..."
To tell you the truth, since moving to the UK (exactly one week ago) I've felt sad. Really sad. You could insert a nicer word, a more eloquent word to describe 'sad' but I don't have that kind of energy. I've either cried or wanted to cry every night that I've been here- although the skies cried along with me almost everyday which means I'm in some kind of metaphoric companionship with the weather.

I thought my loneliness would go away after all my flat mates arrived. It hasn't. There are 5 of us that make that trek up those 4 flights of stairs that I mentioned in this blog post to reach home. The thorn amongst the roses (or the rose amongst the thorns depending on your perspective) is a boy named Jack (a pseudonym for all purposes of anonymity). His vanilla-coloured skin covers his tall body, speckling slightly over his broad shoulders. He seems nice. Down the hall we have Mary, she has really curly hair (the kind I always imagined little red-riding hood to have). Mary is short... but not short enough that you notice her shortness. We haven't exactly 'clicked' together like two congruent pieces of a puzzle. Opposite Jack is Tess. The first word that comes to mind when describing her could only be this: glitter. Tess does love her glitter (which also means it gets all over the place...but who doesn't love glitter?). Tess is obviously extroverted, bouncy and bubbly but with the ability to recluse into her room and watch a movie at times. I like her. Lastly, the final rose (or thorn) is Jane. I probably know her the least. But, she's tall, blonde and has blue eyes. She spent 3 months in South Africa which made me blissful with nostalgia when she knew all the places that I know and call home.

But... I'm not fitting in. I think this is a classic scenario of "It's not you. It's me". I mean, if they're all getting along well then it must be me. I feel like a corner-piece puzzle trying to find a place in the middle. Spoiler alert- it doesn't fit. I'm feeling like a deflated helium balloon on an Autumn's day.

Another mis-hap relationship is the one that I have with alcohol; The two of us just don't go well together (and I'm not talking about the hangover the morning after). I'm actually quite adamant that I'm allergic to alcohol- how anti-teenager of me... I know. I haven't had one sip of anything in fear that my stomach pain will send me into the foetal position on my laminated wooden floor. I'm also 2 nights into 'Freshers Fortnight' which is a nice way of saying 'two weeks of non-stop drinking and clubbing' ...both which aren't my forte, but I've held in my breath and stood my ground and adorned my heels and gone out, all in the name of finding friends.

Do you know what the funny thing is? I always thought that I would have no problem moving across the equator, having to make friends and live in a different time zone. Turns out I had no idea what the heck I was thinking. It's tough, painful, mentally demanding, strenuous, tiring and trying (looks like I got my synonym-searching-eloquence-creating energy back).

I haven't broken a plate yet. I've washed every dish and haven't gone to bed hungry once. I've even made my bed every single day. For this week, I declare a win.

On that note, induction starts today and I'm adamant to find my missing puzzle pieces.

At what point in your life (if ever) have you felt the most unlike yourself or just sad?
Till next time-
Steph
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12 comments

  1. I'm so sorry to hear this first week has been rough, but I'm absolutely positive that it will pick up. You've done something amazing and there are going to be dozens of people either in a similar position to you or interested in hearing what you have to say because they've never done anything like it themselves! I really hope things pick up soon and I'm excited to hear from you again soon. Good luck!

    http://kittypann.wordpress.com

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  2. Moving to uni was so hard for me too. The first year I doubted myself constantly and whether I'd made the right decision.

    By my second year, I knew I was in the right place for me. It turned out to be the best time of my life. I met my now husband and some of my best friends and had some wonderful times - but I'd have been absolutely amazed if someone had told me in my first few weeks that I'd ever feel like that. I look back over photos from uni and I'm almost jealous of myself for getting to experience such happiness!

    It might be tough but you are tougher! You got this. I'm so excited to keep on following your journey as it's going to be an exciting time for you.

    Thinking of you xxx

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  3. Hang in there, it does get better, though it may take a while. I felt much the same way when I moved to Australia. The transition from feeling homesick to feeling at home is slow, and you won't really notice it happening until one day you feel back to your old self.

    neonchipmunkmakeup.blogspot.com

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  4. I'm so sorry it's not going well in London. It's only been a week, so hopefully it gets better. The first college I went to, I only stayed a semester because I hated it. And I loved the college I ended up at and graduated from. I hope this school is the right one for you but if it's not, that's okay too!

    Jennifer
    Effortlessly Sophisticated

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  5. Steph, this breaks my heart. I really hope it gets better for you and you make some friends soon. I'm sure that when you do, you'll feel so much better! Just remember, if going out drinking isn't for you (I hate it too and I think I'm allergic to alcohol too!) then you shouldn't have to put yourself through that to make friends, you should meet people in places you like doing things that you like. In the mean time, there are so many of us on twitter who are here for you! Keep your chin up.

    -Em xo
    thisisemsworld.blogspot.co.uk

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  6. Im so sorry to hear that love. I understand. its so hard. life is so hard. it sucks when you think that moving away will fix everything but sometimes it doesnt. sometimes sadness hops on a plane with you.
    Ive found that since I moved, my sadness didnt go away like I thought it would. in a lot of ways, it has gotten better, but it hasnt been fixed. and thats so hard.

    I love you and Im here for you. keep holding on. you got this.

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  7. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down :( hopefully the more you get to know each other the more you guys will click, and once all your lectures and stuff start I'm sure you'll find people you have more in common with :)

    Stacey x
    https://staceyroseblogs.blogspot.com

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  8. It's good you've thought of some positives this past week!
    I'm sure I'm going to be in the exact same position as you when I move on Sunday. I'm not the best at talking to new people, I just never know what to talk about.
    I'm sure you'll find someone you'll click with soon, and if not you can always talk to me on twitter any time xx

    Sophie's Spot

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  9. Sending you positive vibes, girlfriend. If you're the corner piece - maybe that group just isn't your puzzle. It doesn't mean you're not an important piece to completing another puzzle <3

    xo, Allie

    www.champagne-tuesdays.com

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  10. Oh I'm sorry things aren't going perfectly for you - but don't feel discouraged! Of your flatmates aren't the kind of people you usually befriend then you aren't going to click with them right away - I'm sure you will make more friends in your uni classes. It's good to focus on the positives, even if they are little things, like you have here, to remind you it's not all bad. It will get easier!


    Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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  11. Firstly, I hope your induction day went well and life gets better in the UK. I suppose when you a foreigner, it can get pretty difficult but don't fret-you'll eventually find your "crowd of people". I sometimes feel like I don't fit in certain places as perhaps a group of people get on really well and I feel like...I can't create a conversation with ANY of them. But eventually, you come across people in a similar situation...befriend them.😏

    #sweetreats xx www.bakingboutiquebirds.blogspot.co.uk/

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  12. Ugh, my heart is going out to you girl! Moving was such a huge step to begin with, but feeling like that makes it 1000x harder. There's a whole bunch of 'inspiring' things I could say that are filled with positivity, but I think you know all of those already. And right now, it just sucks that you're feeling like this. So keep on doing YOU, and you'll find your people. You're too bright and your energy is too positive to keep them (whoever they are!) away.

    Susie | http://milehighdreamers.com

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