17 July 2017

Why I Consider Blogging My Dirty Little Secret

Since creating my blog back in August 2015, I've posted about my first date ever, my take on my friend's swearing habitsalcohol-induced happenings and being 18 and never been kissed. I'm not sure if you've noticed but these are revealing and vulnerable anecdotes about myself.

My intention for this blog was and always has been to create a place where we could be ourselves; I could type openly without fear of judgement and you could respond and share your stories. So, when I clicked 'publish' on my first post I made a very conscious decision not to share it with anyone- so much so that almost 2 years later not one person who I know in what I like to call my 'non-blogging' life (other than my immediate family) have the URL to my blog. NOT. ONE. SINGLE. SOUL.
That has been tough- keeping this space a secret. At times, I have held my head so high and with such pride at the sometimes small- and sometimes larger- achievements of this blog, that all I wanted to do was share it with a close friend. Blogging has also given me some of my deepest and most difficult 'lows' which meant that when I most needed comfort and a third ear- outside of my family's- I didn't have one, like when my blog got stolen by a stranger (but that's where this online blogging community swooped in and offered me tons of virtual hugs and ears which I am still so grateful for).
Keeping my blog a secret means that I am continually able to talk openly about things that matter to me. I can talk about my Tinder soulmate without being judged and I can mention an anecdote about a friend with 99% confidence that they'll never read it. That type of candour is the foundation of this blog and my relationship with you- something that I hope to never have to compromise on out of fear... which brings me to the second reason this blog is my secret. FEAR.

The old cliche, the one that inevitably gets us all one way or another- fear. I am so proud of the writing on this blog- but I have insecurities and doubts. I constantly question it's 'success' (whilst the pessimist in me ponders typing 'or lack thereof'). See, that's what I mean; I have doubts. It's funny how often we expect the people that we know and surround ourselves amongst to be supportive and uplifting and yet somehow I fear their thoughts and opinions on this space.

I even took the above one step further; I came up with a pseudonym. At first, if anyone ever happened to stumble upon this neck of the internet they wouldn't have know it belonged to me- talk about paranoia. I took such precautions that I never posted images of myself, I never revealed my surname (and still haven't) or my full name for that matter (...and it's not Stephanie). To top it all off, I made another Twitter, Instagram and email account. I did it all.
My hope is that one day, without a sliver of doubt, with eagerness and nothing but elated pride, I will be able to press 'post' on my Facebook timeline with a status bearing the URL to my secret that I've been harbouring for some time now- this blog.

I hope that one day I'll be able to invite my other world into this one. To be honest, I know that one day that day will come...but not now, not yet.


Till then, you're in on my dirty little secret. Welcome to the club!


Do you keep your blog a secret or not? Why did you decide to go with that option?
Till next time-
Steph

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35 comments

  1. I also keep my blog a secret, well apart from my family and 4 close friends (I kind of need their help sometimes with photos ^_^ ). I could really relate to this post a lot, it seems we keep it a secret for similar reasons.
    Had fun reading this x

    Sophie's Spot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure friends are a GREAT help when it comes to photos!

      I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you, Sophie!
      It warms my heart to know you could relate to this.

      Delete
  2. No one really knows about my blog. My sister does, because I have her take my pictures but my parents don't. Others know of it but don't know the URL.

    Jennifer
    Effortlessly Sophisticated

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Haha, what are sisters for if not taking endless photos!
      I didn't mention that, but same here. Many of my friends know I have a blog- but nothing beyond that.

      Thanks Jennifer!

      Delete
  3. My friends mostly know I have a blog, although I don't know if any of them actually read it, haha! I admire your keeping your blog as a safe space for yourself, though.
    xx Fiona

    New England Gothic

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    Replies
    1. I admire your bravery to put yourself out there.

      Thanks Fiona!
      I personally much prefer it that way.

      Delete
  4. I totally know where you're coming from. Only recently I've decided to take on a "hell yeah, i DO have a blog" attitude with anyone who asks, rather than saying "yeah... I run a blog... it's embarrassing." It's been really nice and has motivated me so much actually!

    xx Pia
    http://gymbagsandjetlags.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's interesting to me how that change in your perspective influenced your motivation.
      Also, damn straight! You should be so proud of your blog! If you got the guts, then be loud and PROUD!

      Thanks Pia

      Delete
  5. My blog is also a dirty little secret! hahahah My parents used to read my first blog, but when I made the new one, I didn't give them the link, and they didn't asked me for it! hahahah and except some of my closest friends, my sister and my boyfriend, no one knows I run a blog, but they also don't read it.
    I think that is nice to have my space and have it apart from the people I know (schoolmates...) so they can't judge what I post, but also it's weird for me because maybe one day can discover it an ruin "my Hannah Montana life" hahahah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, it is a great place to have a space away from schoolmates etc.
      Haha, your 'Hannah Montana life'...where have I heard that one before? ;)

      For now, I think we can say we're living the 'best of both worlds'.

      As always, thank you, C!

      Delete
  6. I totally relate to this post! I have had my blog for about 2 years but only became more serious and into my blog in the past few months and that's when I decided to take the plunge and share my blog to my Facebook. I was SO incredibly nervous that I wanted to throw up!! I can honestly say it felt great sharing my hobby that I am so proud of - and it really showed me which friends are supportive and which ones are not. I've also had random people reach out to tell me that they love my blog which is just the best compliment. I think you should go for it :)

    I love your blog & know your friends would too!

    Allie

    www.champagne-tuesdays.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true- I imagine posting your URL would have exposed people's true colours.
      I admire that despite your nervousness (and desire to throw up) you still went for it. That must have taken a lot of courage- something you should be commended on.

      Thank you, Allie! I really, really hope to share my blog with my 'non-blogging' world. And one day, I WILL. Till then, your courage is inspiring!

      Delete
  7. OK um... Hey there Steph! You don't know me but I know you. (Well that sounded creepy) My name is Dani Jones and I have read EVERY SINGLE post on this here blog. I am about to follow it because I love it!!! I just found it today and so for whatever reason I decided I was going to read it, ALL of it. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm I guess that's all I have to say for now. So bye! And you'll be seeing a lot more of me! :)
    -Dani Jones

    http://thedanijonesblog.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey there, Dani!

      Haha, your opening sentence made me chuckle.
      WOW! I somehow don't think that you're over-exaggerating! I'm honoured. I hope that means that you liked what you found here.

      I will be more than happy to hear more from you!

      Thank you for a lovely, lovely comment, Dani!

      Delete
  8. Only my very close friends know about it. I would say maybe one or two. I accidentally put the link on my Insta and someone at school found out. It scared me so bad! I think it's because I had negative experiences with blogging at school before which caused me to delete my old blog. I hope that one day, I won't mind anyone finding out xx Nikita

    BLOG//Jasmine Loves

    ReplyDelete
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    1. N, accidentally posting my URL sounds like my own private nightmare! I think I would die there and then.

      I'm so sorry to hear of your nasty experience; Those people don't deserve to know about your wonderful blog anyways. I don't understand anyone who wouldn't support you and your brilliant blog.

      I hope the same for you- and me.

      Delete
  9. I completely get what you mean, and I'm the complete same with my blog!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. *High Five's*
      Thank you, Jolly!

      Delete
  10. I've always kept my blog secret because I've always used it as a personal diary where I would rant and talk about things and people in my life. I did show some close friends my blog in the past and that was a mistake, as one of them read something I wrote about them and took it the wrong way... and chaos ensued. Probably not going to repeat that mistake in the near future.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sorry to hear that, Aria.
      I think you did a wonderful thing by putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. I kind of feel that if those people were really your 'close friends' they would have understood.

      I have discussed my friends in the past, but I've always changed their names- my paranoia stepping in again.

      Delete
  11. I'm very open that I have a blog and have been! Although it did take some guts to put myself out there across my social media (that had people I knew in real life on) but it gave me loads of confidence and taught me to not care what people think. If they want to judge, then go ahead. I'm not bothered. I'm enjoying myself so leave me be. But I totally see why people like yourself keep it a secret and I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. As long as you're having fun blogging, then it shouldn't matter who you tell in real life. It's up to you at the end of the day. So just keep doing you xx

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you for that lovely comment, Lauren!
      I'm loving your confidence and blogging pride! You go girl! You're inspiring!
      It sounds like there are A LOT of positives to putting one's blog 'out there'.

      I am loving blogging at the moment. So, as you said, I'll 'just keep doing me'.

      Delete
  12. I can totally see why you like keeping it a secret. No-one knows about my blog in my life either, apart from my Mum and husband. I quite like having it to myself! I think that will probably change though in time x

    Jenny | LuxeStyle

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    1. RELATABLE!
      I think that shows that you have a completely trusting and open relationship with your hubby and mom. I LOVE THAT. You're lucky to have such special relationships with them.

      Thanks Jenny!

      Delete
  13. Personally, I am rather open IF asked about blogging. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut as it is just so awkward to explain it to family/friends. However, I found that some people can be really supportive if they find out and are simply awesome. While others can be more... harsh.

    www.martinsvirtualblog.com

    Lovely read!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks Martin!
      I think that's fair; If it comes up then go for it and be open and honest, if not then rather let 'sleeping dogs lay'.

      There's always going to be both ends of the spectrum.

      Delete
  14. I thought I was the only one who keeps their blog a secret. ~that's a relief. Well, we're on the same boat Steph. But I also really like to share it to my family and friends but I think now is not the time..Actually my squad already knows about it but the thing is, blogging is not really something so popular (I think) in our place. I mean, I know some local bloggers but just very few of them. Not more than the fingers in our hands! So it'll be really surprising if they know about me blogging.

    Homed: Life in Sugar & Spice

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    1. Nope, you're most definitely not alone!
      Wow! So blogging isn't really popular there in the Philippines- interesting! It looks like you're ahead of your kind then!

      Now may not be the time, but I have no doubt that it one day will be!

      Thanks, Fi!

      Delete
    2. Oh no haha I just want to clarify..as far as I know, most of the bloggers and vloggers in the Philippines resides in Manila, our capital city, and other provinces near it. As for like me who resides far, far away from the capital city I just know a couple of people who blogs and here in our community, blogging is not something that I always hear :)

      Delete
  15. Cute pictures! :)

    www.sophiaston.de

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  16. I get it. it's totally scary to put yourself out there and then have people who know you read what you wrote!

    I sorta keep my blog a secret. I told a couple of close friends and my boyfriend, but that's it. But recently I added the link to my blog to my personal instagram account. *scary!* But idk, i just feel like a.) probably no one will read my instagram profile, and b.) if they do check it out, then i guess that's cool and hopefully they won't judge me too much. and if they do judge me then hopefully they will be polite and do it behind my back. :-P

    but i'm still not posting it to my facebook. and my twitter account was made just for my blog.

    Also - now i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo curious to know what Steph is short for! I totally assumed Stephanie.

    xo

    Bobbi

    http://www.bobbihearts.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. OOOHH!
      You've added into your personal Insta? That's pretty BIG stuff- congrats Bobbi! I think that's incredible!

      If someone is reading your Instagram bio, they're probably interested in what you have to say and would love your blog.
      Haha, alternatively though, if someone were to judge a blog, I think it would be better if they did it to themselves.

      Haha, I thought most people would assume it was Stephanie. But, then 'Steph' would have been a crappy 'semi-pseudonym'.

      Thanks, Bobbi!

      Delete
  17. I keep my blog a secret too. A few years when I had my old blog I told my family and they were far too in to it. It drove me crazy so this time round I haven't mentioned it to anyone xx

    keiratoni.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
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    1. HAHA, I love that your family were so into it!
      But, I understand that you want your space!

      Thanks Keira.

      Delete

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