17 July 2017

Why I Consider Blogging My Dirty Little Secret

Since creating my blog back in August 2015, I've posted about my first date ever, my take on my friend's swearing habitsalcohol-induced happenings and being 18 and never been kissed. I'm not sure if you've noticed but these are revealing and vulnerable anecdotes about myself.
My intention for this blog was and always has been to create a place where we could be ourselves; I could type openly without fear of judgement and you could respond and share your stories. So, when I clicked 'publish' on my first post I made a very conscious decision not to share it with anyone- so much so that almost 2 years later not one person who I know in what I like to call my 'non-blogging' life (other than my immediate family) have the URL to my blog. NOT. ONE. SINGLE. SOUL.
That has been tough- keeping this space a secret. At times, I have held my head so high and with such pride at the sometimes small- and sometimes larger- achievements of this blog, that all I wanted to do was share it with a close friend. Blogging has also given me some of my deepest and most difficult 'lows' which meant that when I most needed comfort and a third ear- outside of my family's- I didn't have one, like when my blog got stolen by a stranger (but that's where this online blogging community swooped in and offered me tons of virtual hugs and ears which I am still so grateful for).
Keeping my blog a secret means that I am continually able to talk openly about things that matter to me. I can talk about my Tinder soulmate without being judged and I can mention an anecdote about a friend with 99% confidence that they'll never read it. That type of candour is the foundation of this blog and my relationship with you- something that I hope to never have to compromise on out of fear... which brings me to the second reason this blog is my secret. FEAR.

The old cliche, the one that inevitably gets us all one way or another- fear. I am so proud of the writing on this blog- but I have insecurities and doubts. I constantly question it's 'success' (whilst the pessimist in me ponders typing 'or lack thereof'). See, that's what I mean; I have doubts. It's funny how often we expect the people that we know and surround ourselves amongst to be supportive and uplifting and yet somehow I fear their thoughts and opinions on this space.

I even took the above one step further; I came up with a pseudonym. At first, if anyone ever happened to stumble upon this neck of the internet they wouldn't have know it belonged to me- talk about paranoia. I took such precautions that I never posted images of myself, I never revealed my surname (and still haven't) or my full name for that matter (...and it's not Stephanie). To top it all off, I made another Twitter, Instagram and email account. I did it all.
My hope is that one day, without a sliver of doubt, with eagerness and nothing but elated pride, I will be able to press 'post' on my Facebook timeline with a status bearing the URL to my secret that I've been harbouring for some time now- this blog.

I hope that one day I'll be able to invite my other world into this one. To be honest, I know that one day that day will come...but not now, not yet.


Till then, you're in on my dirty little secret. Welcome to the club!


Do you keep your blog a secret or not? Why did you decide to go with that option?
Till next time-
Steph

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52 comments

  1. I also keep my blog a secret, well apart from my family and 4 close friends (I kind of need their help sometimes with photos ^_^ ). I could really relate to this post a lot, it seems we keep it a secret for similar reasons.
    Had fun reading this x

    Sophie's Spot

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm sure friends are a GREAT help when it comes to photos!

      I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you, Sophie!
      It warms my heart to know you could relate to this.

      Delete
  2. No one really knows about my blog. My sister does, because I have her take my pictures but my parents don't. Others know of it but don't know the URL.

    Jennifer
    Effortlessly Sophisticated

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Haha, what are sisters for if not taking endless photos!
      I didn't mention that, but same here. Many of my friends know I have a blog- but nothing beyond that.

      Thanks Jennifer!

      Delete
  3. My friends mostly know I have a blog, although I don't know if any of them actually read it, haha! I admire your keeping your blog as a safe space for yourself, though.
    xx Fiona

    New England Gothic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I admire your bravery to put yourself out there.

      Thanks Fiona!
      I personally much prefer it that way.

      Delete
  4. I totally know where you're coming from. Only recently I've decided to take on a "hell yeah, i DO have a blog" attitude with anyone who asks, rather than saying "yeah... I run a blog... it's embarrassing." It's been really nice and has motivated me so much actually!

    xx Pia
    http://gymbagsandjetlags.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's interesting to me how that change in your perspective influenced your motivation.
      Also, damn straight! You should be so proud of your blog! If you got the guts, then be loud and PROUD!

      Thanks Pia

      Delete
  5. My blog is also a dirty little secret! hahahah My parents used to read my first blog, but when I made the new one, I didn't give them the link, and they didn't asked me for it! hahahah and except some of my closest friends, my sister and my boyfriend, no one knows I run a blog, but they also don't read it.
    I think that is nice to have my space and have it apart from the people I know (schoolmates...) so they can't judge what I post, but also it's weird for me because maybe one day can discover it an ruin "my Hannah Montana life" hahahah

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I agree, it is a great place to have a space away from schoolmates etc.
      Haha, your 'Hannah Montana life'...where have I heard that one before? ;)

      For now, I think we can say we're living the 'best of both worlds'.

      As always, thank you, C!

      Delete
  6. I totally relate to this post! I have had my blog for about 2 years but only became more serious and into my blog in the past few months and that's when I decided to take the plunge and share my blog to my Facebook. I was SO incredibly nervous that I wanted to throw up!! I can honestly say it felt great sharing my hobby that I am so proud of - and it really showed me which friends are supportive and which ones are not. I've also had random people reach out to tell me that they love my blog which is just the best compliment. I think you should go for it :)

    I love your blog & know your friends would too!

    Allie

    www.champagne-tuesdays.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true- I imagine posting your URL would have exposed people's true colours.
      I admire that despite your nervousness (and desire to throw up) you still went for it. That must have taken a lot of courage- something you should be commended on.

      Thank you, Allie! I really, really hope to share my blog with my 'non-blogging' world. And one day, I WILL. Till then, your courage is inspiring!

      Delete
  7. OK um... Hey there Steph! You don't know me but I know you. (Well that sounded creepy) My name is Dani Jones and I have read EVERY SINGLE post on this here blog. I am about to follow it because I love it!!! I just found it today and so for whatever reason I decided I was going to read it, ALL of it. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm I guess that's all I have to say for now. So bye! And you'll be seeing a lot more of me! :)
    -Dani Jones

    http://thedanijonesblog.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey there, Dani!

      Haha, your opening sentence made me chuckle.
      WOW! I somehow don't think that you're over-exaggerating! I'm honoured. I hope that means that you liked what you found here.

      I will be more than happy to hear more from you!

      Thank you for a lovely, lovely comment, Dani!

      Delete
  8. Only my very close friends know about it. I would say maybe one or two. I accidentally put the link on my Insta and someone at school found out. It scared me so bad! I think it's because I had negative experiences with blogging at school before which caused me to delete my old blog. I hope that one day, I won't mind anyone finding out xx Nikita

    BLOG//Jasmine Loves

    ReplyDelete
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    1. N, accidentally posting my URL sounds like my own private nightmare! I think I would die there and then.

      I'm so sorry to hear of your nasty experience; Those people don't deserve to know about your wonderful blog anyways. I don't understand anyone who wouldn't support you and your brilliant blog.

      I hope the same for you- and me.

      Delete
  9. I completely get what you mean, and I'm the complete same with my blog!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. *High Five's*
      Thank you, Jolly!

      Delete
  10. I've always kept my blog secret because I've always used it as a personal diary where I would rant and talk about things and people in my life. I did show some close friends my blog in the past and that was a mistake, as one of them read something I wrote about them and took it the wrong way... and chaos ensued. Probably not going to repeat that mistake in the near future.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sorry to hear that, Aria.
      I think you did a wonderful thing by putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. I kind of feel that if those people were really your 'close friends' they would have understood.

      I have discussed my friends in the past, but I've always changed their names- my paranoia stepping in again.

      Delete
  11. I'm very open that I have a blog and have been! Although it did take some guts to put myself out there across my social media (that had people I knew in real life on) but it gave me loads of confidence and taught me to not care what people think. If they want to judge, then go ahead. I'm not bothered. I'm enjoying myself so leave me be. But I totally see why people like yourself keep it a secret and I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. As long as you're having fun blogging, then it shouldn't matter who you tell in real life. It's up to you at the end of the day. So just keep doing you xx

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you for that lovely comment, Lauren!
      I'm loving your confidence and blogging pride! You go girl! You're inspiring!
      It sounds like there are A LOT of positives to putting one's blog 'out there'.

      I am loving blogging at the moment. So, as you said, I'll 'just keep doing me'.

      Delete
  12. I can totally see why you like keeping it a secret. No-one knows about my blog in my life either, apart from my Mum and husband. I quite like having it to myself! I think that will probably change though in time x

    Jenny | LuxeStyle

    ReplyDelete
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    1. RELATABLE!
      I think that shows that you have a completely trusting and open relationship with your hubby and mom. I LOVE THAT. You're lucky to have such special relationships with them.

      Thanks Jenny!

      Delete
  13. Personally, I am rather open IF asked about blogging. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut as it is just so awkward to explain it to family/friends. However, I found that some people can be really supportive if they find out and are simply awesome. While others can be more... harsh.

    www.martinsvirtualblog.com

    Lovely read!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks Martin!
      I think that's fair; If it comes up then go for it and be open and honest, if not then rather let 'sleeping dogs lay'.

      There's always going to be both ends of the spectrum.

      Delete
  14. I thought I was the only one who keeps their blog a secret. ~that's a relief. Well, we're on the same boat Steph. But I also really like to share it to my family and friends but I think now is not the time..Actually my squad already knows about it but the thing is, blogging is not really something so popular (I think) in our place. I mean, I know some local bloggers but just very few of them. Not more than the fingers in our hands! So it'll be really surprising if they know about me blogging.

    Homed: Life in Sugar & Spice

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Nope, you're most definitely not alone!
      Wow! So blogging isn't really popular there in the Philippines- interesting! It looks like you're ahead of your kind then!

      Now may not be the time, but I have no doubt that it one day will be!

      Thanks, Fi!

      Delete
    2. Oh no haha I just want to clarify..as far as I know, most of the bloggers and vloggers in the Philippines resides in Manila, our capital city, and other provinces near it. As for like me who resides far, far away from the capital city I just know a couple of people who blogs and here in our community, blogging is not something that I always hear :)

      Delete
  15. Cute pictures! :)

    www.sophiaston.de

    ReplyDelete
  16. I get it. it's totally scary to put yourself out there and then have people who know you read what you wrote!

    I sorta keep my blog a secret. I told a couple of close friends and my boyfriend, but that's it. But recently I added the link to my blog to my personal instagram account. *scary!* But idk, i just feel like a.) probably no one will read my instagram profile, and b.) if they do check it out, then i guess that's cool and hopefully they won't judge me too much. and if they do judge me then hopefully they will be polite and do it behind my back. :-P

    but i'm still not posting it to my facebook. and my twitter account was made just for my blog.

    Also - now i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo curious to know what Steph is short for! I totally assumed Stephanie.

    xo

    Bobbi

    http://www.bobbihearts.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. OOOHH!
      You've added into your personal Insta? That's pretty BIG stuff- congrats Bobbi! I think that's incredible!

      If someone is reading your Instagram bio, they're probably interested in what you have to say and would love your blog.
      Haha, alternatively though, if someone were to judge a blog, I think it would be better if they did it to themselves.

      Haha, I thought most people would assume it was Stephanie. But, then 'Steph' would have been a crappy 'semi-pseudonym'.

      Thanks, Bobbi!

      Delete
  17. I keep my blog a secret too. A few years when I had my old blog I told my family and they were far too in to it. It drove me crazy so this time round I haven't mentioned it to anyone xx

    keiratoni.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
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    1. HAHA, I love that your family were so into it!
      But, I understand that you want your space!

      Thanks Keira.

      Delete
  18. Wow I can totally relate to this. I started blogging 3 years ago and I intended it to be a beauty blog but I also was writing about my serious struggles with lupus. Up to now, only my husband, his cousin in the Philippines (who is super obsessed about makeup like I am), my best friend, and our wedding planner knows about my blog. I also talked about being bullied in a few of my posts so I'm always worried that people in real life are thinking "oh that's why she's so weird..." and yeah, Filipinos love to gossip too so I know my family will love to get into my blog. I also don't want people to think I'm vain or materialistic too because I write about other things as well. My blog is growing though, and I'm getting more companies reaching out to me and PR samples, and I'm considering having this blog as a freelance gig (as well as a hobby) while I am in the search for a job, so someday I will have the courage to tell others about my blog. I'm super proud of it (and so is my husband), but most people don't understand the blood, sweat and tears that go into blogging.

    Hannah
    Floraful

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's great that you write about several (and important) topics. I also admire that you've told people about your blog. Haha, the Greeks love a good snicker session as well, so I totally get where you're coming from! Unfortunately, things such as bullying have long-term impacts on us in ways that define who we become.

      That's exciting! It must be lovely to have the opportunity to work with brands. That should re-enforce what great work you're doing with your blog!

      Your blog and blogging should be something that you're proud of. Your supportive husband also sounds great! It's a lot of work- and yet so worth it!

      Thank you for the lovely comment, Hannah! I really appreciate it!

      Delete
  19. I keep my blog a secret too! I wouldn't want people at my school to find out about it and read it - it's my private space where I can express myself freely! Also, I don't want all of my friends and classmates to start blogging and following my blog. I am trying to go anonymous soon so that it will be kept a secret forever! What should I do to keep it more private?
    anaeldaydreamer.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think it's nice to have a place away from the world. Blogs offer that and it's great!

      It's easy to be anonymous and have a public blog. All you need is a fake name and no link to your personal social media accounts, as well as no pictures of yourself.

      If you have any questions, just email me!

      Delete
    2. Thanks for your reply, it's exciting to really get to talk to people through blogs! Blogs opened up everything for me, and I am so happy to have on! I understand how easy it is to be anonymous, and I'll try to do that one day!
      anaeldaydreamer.blogspot.com

      Delete
  20. I completely understand where you're coming from! I've had this blog for almost 3 years now, but I've been blogging on and off for about 5 years in total, and I was always way too apprehensive about making it public knowledge to my IRL friends and family. I started off beauty blogging, but where I come from, you're not deemed 'beautiful' unless you're tanned, blonde hair, false nails etc. The thought of being laughed at or judged for writing about makeup made me too nervous to share on my personal social media accounts, and to this day, I still am a little apprehensive, but as you say, one day I hope to have the courage to just hit the post button without any second thoughts!

    www.thenextthingcarolinedid.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow! Blogging for 5 years (even if it is on and off) is bloody incredible!
      It's quite ironic to me that we both keep our blogs secret from 'friends' who are supposed to match the definition of a friend (someone we can open up to and be vulnerable with) and yet we fear this judgement.

      I hope we both have that opportunity, Caroline! If there ever comes a day where you decide to go public, please let me know how it goes. It may just inspire me!

      Delete
  21. After reading your post and these replies, I definitely don't think you are alone. I also keep my blog a secret from most of my friends. Even the ones who know I have a blog don't know the URL and haven't read anything I have written. I think we all have that fear of failure in front of our friends. Honestly even my family have never read my blog!

    Keep us informed and let us know if you decide to go "public" with your blog. Maybe you will inspire the rest of us to do so too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This blog has made me realise that there are a lot more people than i may think in the same boat as me. Every time I feel like I'm the only on win the world who has experienced or feelings something, I am proven wrong- which I love.

      I'll definitely let you know if anything changes- but I doubt that it's set to change, not at least for the next while. I'd love to hear if you ever decide to go public, too! Maybe you'll inspire me!

      Delete
  22. Exaclty how I was until literally yesterday. I started off my blog as a kinda of virtual diary to have a keep sake for myself to look back and also share my stories with anyone that may be interested, BUT I never shared it with family or friends being afraid of what they might think. Thinking in my mind that very few people read what im writing and those that do are complete strangers, makes it easier to write freely... until very recently (this week)I decided to share my blog (after 3 years) on my personal instagram.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow! So... you've made the leap into the public domain!
      Congratulations!
      I can only imagine the guts that you have! You should be so incredibly proud of yourself!

      I hope people have been nothing but supportive and lovely!

      Delete
  23. Sometimes I wish I had kept my blog a secret, just because there are some things I'm not sure I want to write about with my family and friends able to read it. For instance my mum had cancer over the summer (don't worry she had an op and she's well on the mend now!) and there was so much I wanted to talk about, but it would have been very raw and I didn't want my mum to worry about ME while she should be caring for herself. On the flip side, I like when my family and friends talk to me about something they've seen on my blog!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's something I haven't really thought about- the pros of sharing the blog with real-life friends, Having friends and family bring up something they've seen on your blog must be an incredible feeling!

      I'm glad to hear that your mom is well! I'm sure being able to talk openly about everything that you were going through would have helped you a lot. You could always write the posts and just keep them in 'drafts' for your eyes only! That way, you get to write what you feel without having to worry about others worrying about you (if that's something you're worried about)! It's a win, win.

      Delete
  24. Wow, great post, and I can totally relate! It is very scary announcing to everyone you know that you’ve started a blog. I wondered, what would people think, would they think that I was trying to become famous, did I think I was this great writer, etc., you name it, I thought and feared it!! I only blog about things relating to work life, and I did a Q&A page about why I blog, so I could just point people to that page, which helped me to feel more secure. But, yeah, it’s frightening for me!! Thank you for sharing!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you Rebecca!

      It's definitely a frightening thing; humans naturally want to be liked, and so, we fear peoples judgement of us, unfortunately!

      A Q&A is a great idea!

      Delete
  25. I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to share your blog with friends etc. With my original blog (which I've had for about 3 years), my whole extended family found out (big mouthed sister) and then some of my friends discovered it. So, I had to be really careful what I posted on there. Now I've just started a new blog that no one knows about. It's so nice being able to write what I want and not worry about what my friends or family would think.

    Femenish

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's kinda nice that you've had the opportunity to have both blogs.
      I can relate to that freedom of writing that you feel! It's the best!
      Starting a second blog is so exciting (but kind of seems like a lot of work, too). I'm sure it's worth it though!

      Thanks for sharing your, Kate!

      Delete

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