16 March 2017

Being Alone

Past Day Steph

I don't do much alone. On the odd occasion that I eat breakfast, it's with my mom. Lunch is probably with my dad and dinner is a feast with the whole family. I'm still a 'learner' driver, which requires a licensed passenger beside me in the car, so even when I'm driving I'm not alone. I wasn't even in the womb alone. Somehow, I still came out a some-what independent person, however, in saying that, companionship (in fur or flesh) is definitely preferable.

Today, I took a big step. Or, I took many little steps which culminated in one massive step which ended with me in central London. You guessed it- alone.

 I'm currently staying in a shoe-box. I'm used to open space, large gardens and a good distance between myself and my neighbour in the Northern, Eastern, Southern and Western boundaries which I acknowledge is a privilege enjoyed by few. The student accommodation which my sister has kindly made to be 'home' is by all means livable yet simultaneously discombobulating. A trip to her university workshop (and the fumbling of a pressure pump) resulted in an over-blown mattress which I have the privilege of calling my bed...or 'slippy slide' for the next two weeks. Its taken some getting used to; sharing a toilet with 3 people is one thing...sharing a toilet with 8 others with varying needs and preferences when it comes to hygiene (or lack thereof) is another. I am very grateful to have a roof over my head and food on the table with several running taps- things again afforded to few- however, I still feel out of place.

Crumbled up, snotty remnants of what was once crease-less tissues litter the little space between my right shoulder and the off-white wall beside me. University has begun for the day,which once again leaves me alone to enjoy and find comfort in my own company, accompanied by the odd chirp or melody of surrounding birds. The Thames, slowly meandering through a small tribune gently hums and accompanies the birds in low toned melodious harmony, whilst I sniffle and harshly cough, disrupting the pin-drop silence which does nothing but remind me of my loneliness.

Present Day Steph

Once again, I'm alone. Comforted and accompanied by the 'clicks' my fingers make when meeting with the letters beneath them. Looking back on the last three weeks, I am fulfilled and content. I like to stay within my perimeters, and now and again dip my big toe into the unknown- but I don't go beyond that. On my recent trip to London, I dunked my whole leg into the unknown and dived in head-first straight after. I took trains and buses alone. I passed airport security and boarding, a new feat to conquer as a 'one man wobbling band' at Heathrow and again in Frankfurt, all on my lonesome.

 I meandered through a whole city, tremulous and terrified at times and lazily ambling along at others but I made it. I'm now back in the comfort of my room snuggled up with Kitty, my trusty ginger companion. I am now left to reflect with unbounded pride at all I accomplished. Alone.

Till next time-


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Travelling can be a scary ordeal. Travelling alone can be even worse, when you're not only carrying your luggage but anxiety too. Have you ever traveled alone? If so, would you do it again and if not, would you want to try it? I'm now just starting to unpack my bags, which means metaphorically unpacking and 'letting go' of my anxiety too! What a weight off my shoulders.

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  1. travelling alone can be scary. but sometimes its so freeing. I love exploring downtown on my own sometimes. it helps to clear my head.

    beautiful post <3

    1. Faith!! It's always lovely when I see your name pop up!

      It can be freeing! I can understand how being alone helps you clear your head.

      Thank you <3

  2. nice post!
    i love the idea of travelling alone and i really wanna try sometime. but, i can't because i'm only 15...seems really fun though :D


    1. Ritz, I promise, the day will come (very soon) where you'll be older and have the world at your finger tips.

  3. I love travelling but I hate being alone for too long! Being alone isn't too bad but company is always much better! xx

    - Eternalleigh.blogspot.com

    1. Leigh! Thanks for the comment and stopping by!

      Agreed! Being alone for just the right amount of time is great- anything longer becomes too lonely!

  4. Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by, Hailey!

  5. The thought of travelling alone kinda scares me. I'm studying to be a doctor and I want to give the USMLE and study in the US and that means traveling alone a lot. I'm apprehensive of it mostly because I am quite visibly and obviously a Muslim xD and I already have anxiety that makes me feel like the whole world is out to get to me so having US customs singling me out = nightmare. Like even though I'm a citizen, they still single at least one person from my family out when we travel together. It's never been me, but my chance goes up 100% if I'm the only one there :(


    1. It angers me that after all the world and its citizens have been through, there is still so much hate and discrimination against race, religion and culture.

      Sorry K. Although being singled out is definitely nerve-wrecking, try not to let it top you from chasing your dreams!

  6. Travelling alone is very scary, especially to London of all places! I love the way you write, lovely post!

    Lauren x Huggled

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read the post and leave a comment, Lauren!

      That means a lot to me.

  7. Nice post! I have nominated you for the 'One lovely blog' tag, Info on my blog!
    x TargetGirl

    1. Thank so much for the comment, TG!

  8. Travelling alone is scary but you get such an sense of accomplishment having planned the journey, got there and back and done all the things you wanted too. Enjoy the solo adventure!

    1. That's very very true!

      It's such a relief to get back home an look back on the adventure!


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